I'm a Helpful Person

I like helping people. So here are a few more public service announcements for the masses.

1) If anyone uses Clear Care contact lens solution, please believe it when the packaging tells you NOT TO GET IT IN YOUR EYES. They aren't kidding. I learned this the hard way yesterday morning. I had put my contacts in, but my right contact was bugging me. It was cloudy and weird, so I took it out to rinse it off. I mistakenly grabbed the Clear Care contact solution instead of my "regular" stuff. I rinsed off the lens, and put it back in my eye.
Oh, the pain.
Here's an excerpt from their website:
"Never rinse lenses with Clear Care prior to inserting lenses into your eyes. Clear Care is a powerful cleaning and disinfecting solution that will burn and sting your eyes unless neutralized properly. If you want to rinse lenses, use a sterile saline solution."
Let me put it this way: has anyone out there ever gotten sulphuric acid in their eyeball? No? Well, why don't you give Clear Care a try - I'm sure it's pretty much the same feeling. Of course, when you have acid eating through your cornea, your automatic reaction is to tightly shut your eye. In fact, your automated response to shut your eye is so strong, you really can't even pry it open with your own two hands, as much as you might want to. I tried for a good 30 seconds to pry my eye open, but it just wasn't working. (This was accompanied by stomping on the bathroom floor, running into the living room, falling on the floor and twitching around dramatically, whooping and hissing like a lunatic, and running back to the bathroom. Oh, and lots of cussing.) I was just about to follow through with my decision to just pluck my eyeball out of my head, when my eye cooperated with me and opened just enough to get the damned contact out. OMG. OMG. OMG it hurt. When the whole episode was over, I had mascara-tears all over my face, my eye was nearly swollen shut, and the white part of my eye was approximately the color of cherry jello.
So that's just a little helpful tip for you all.

2) When you get pulled over for going 72 in a 55, just be honest, and you won't get a ticket.
I got pulled over this morning on the way to work, in a city that is notorious for pulling folks over for the most petty infractions. There's like 1 cop to every 15 people in this city. Which should make you feel safe, but instead it just makes you feel harrassed. Plus, there is like NO crime there, so the cops really don't have much to do. (And yes, perhaps the low crime rate has some connection to the high police coverage, but whatever.) These cops just sit outside the grocery store and wait for someone to drive by with a broken tail light, or a tire that's a little low on air, or any drivers that appear to be under the age of 25. Then they pull you over and wait for "backup." Then two more cop cars show up, and they all converge on the poor sap that got pulled over. They all ask you different questions at the same time, which gets you all flustered, and then they ask why you're so nervous. Then you have to get out of the car while they run your license and stuff, because "you're so nervous you're making us nervous. Do you have something to be nervous about?" Whatever, dude. Just run my stupid frickin' license so I can get to work.
So anyway, I was driving to work today, keeping up with traffic (meaning I was speeding), when I saw a cop parked up the road, tagging people. I slowed down to the speed limit and drove past him. I thought I was in the clear. Nope. The guy swung out, put his lights on, and pulled me over. Me. There were 27 other people driving the same speed, but of course, he chooses me. So he walks up to my car and asks for my license and proof of insurance.
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: No.
Cop: Really? I clocked you doing 72 mph.
Me: Huh. I don't doubt that.
Cop: Do you know what the speed limit is on this road?
Me: Yes, it's 55.
Cop: So I pulled you over for speeding.
Me: Yeah, that makes sense.
Then, of course, I couldn't find any current proof of insurance in my wallet. I have proof of insurance dating back to 1998 in my wallet, but nothing current. Of course.
Cop: Did you have your seatbelt on the whole time, or did you just put it on when I pulled you over?
Me: I had it on the whole time.
Cop: You sure?
Me: Yeah, I'm pretty sure, since I never leave home without it.
Anyone who knows me knows I'm super weird about seatbelts. I always make people wear their seatbelts in my car. Mostly because if I got in an accident and my passenger went through the windshield, it would be really messy to clean up.
He took my license back to his car and did whatever cops do in their cars. It took like 10 minutes. I think he was taking an extra long time just to annoy me.
He finally came back and said he would let me go with a warning because I was honest. Honest about what, I'm not sure. Must have been the "Yeah, I probably was speeding" comment. Or maybe it was the fact that I complimented his shiny car when he gave me my license back. It was very shiny.

Anyway, there's your public service announcements for the day. Use them wisely.