Credit Card Stupidity

Here are some excerpts from phone conversations I have had with a certain credit card company over the past two days. Names and numbers have been changed to protect the innocent. Except the credit card company. We'll just call them....oh, I don't know....Capital One.

Background info: I had been getting calls on my cell from some weird 800 number that never left messages. After getting 3 calls in one day, I called the number back, just to see who it was. It was "Capital One" (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

"Customer Service" Rep: Thank you for calling Capital One, how may I help you?
Me: Hi, I've been getting tons of calls from you guys for the last two days, and I just wanted to call and make sure there was nothing weird going on with my account.
Rep: Oh, I would be happy to help you with this, Ms Harris. We are so pleased that you have taken the time to contact us with your concerns. Please allow me a moment to access your account.
Me: Ok. Sure.
Rep: Hmmm. Well, I don't see anything strange going on with your account. It is in good standing.
Me: Ok, well why are they calling me?
Rep: Well, perhaps they are trying to offer you a service of some kind. Or maybe not.
Me: Ok, what?
Rep: They may be trying to contact you to offer you a service. But they might not be.
Me: Shouldn't you know why they are calling me 3 times a day?
Rep: I don't see that anyone has left you a voicemail.
Me: I know - that's my point. I don't understand what they want.
Rep: Yes, ma'am.
Me: Yes, what? I don't understand what you're saying to me.
Rep: Thank you for taking the time to contact us with your concerns. You are a valued customer. Is there anything else I can do for you, Ms Harris?
Me: Apparently not. (Click.)

Ok, then yesterday on the way home, the same number called me for the fourth time that day. I was pissed off, so I just answered the stupid call.

Me: Hello? Hello?
Telemarketer: (Click, long pause) Hello, may I please speak with Henrietta Harris?
Me: This is she. Is this Capital One?
T: Yes, this is Ray with Capital One. Can you please verify your zip code?
Me: Sure. 90210.
T: Hmmm. That's not correct.
Me: Well, yes it is. I'm pretty sure I know my zip code.
T: Is 90210 your area code? I need your zip code, ma'am.
Me: Well, since area codes are 3 digits, and zip codes are 5 digits, I'm pretty sure 90210 is my zip code.
T: Hmmm. How about your mother's maiden name?
Me: Taylor.
T: Taylor - is that T-A-I-L-E-R?
Me: No. So close. T-A-Y-L-O-R.
T: Hmmm. That's not coming up either. Can I have your social security number?
Me: Ummm, no. You can't. Because all of the info I have given you is correct, and I don't understand why nothing is "coming up" for you.
T: I cannot continue this call, as I am unable to confirm that you are Henrietta Harris.
Me: Listen, if you're trying to sell me some kind of service, I don't want it.
T: I cannot continue this call, as I am unable to confirm that you are Henrietta Harris.
Me: Well, I can't continue this call, because I don't know if you are from Capital One, or just some random rude guy that called to steal my identity.
T: Excuse me, ma'am? Did you just call me rude? I told you at the beginning of the call that I was from Capital One. You have been unable to answer my questions.
Me: OK, first of all you called me. I don't need to answer any of your questions. Secondly, I don't believe you're from Capital One, because you should have all of this information on file. I've had an account with you for 6 years and I'm fairly certain my mother's maiden name hasn't changed since then. How is this info just "magically" not matching up?
T: I'm not sure why it's "magically" not matching up. But this really isn't my problem, is it?
Me: Excuse me?!?
T: Click.

OMG, the a-hole hung up on me. Hell to the no. So I was all ready to call back and get someone fired, when my stupid cell phone died. So I had to wait until I got home and juiced up my phone before I could call to scream at someone. The final conversation wasn't nearly as climactic as I thought it would be, so I'm not going to transcribe it. Basically, I changed my address online (where I do all my bill paying/banking/etc) when I bought my house a year ago. But it was somehow saved as a "secondary address" because you have to call in to change the address officially. It would be nice to know that. Maybe you could post something somewhere, oh, I don't know - ONLINE. Also, they apparently didn't even have my mother's maiden name on file, so that's why it didn't "match." But then why was he even asking for my mother's maiden name, if he could see that field was blank? Whatever.

Anyway, I told them to take me off their calling list. Hopefully Ray doesn't call me back. Cuz I'd give him the what-for. That's right: the what-for. And nobody likes getting the what-for.