Eating Healthy is Dangerous For Your Health

For those of you following at home, most of the boxelder bugs are deceased. I'll admit that I have not shed a single tear over their demise. I'm glad they're dead. I hope it hurt.

Now, on to more pertinent issues.

My husband and I are trying to eat healthier. Yay for us. But last night I learned how eating healthy is dangerous for your health. Very dangerous. So I was packing a lunch for my husband. You know, like a good little wifey. Leftover chicken salad, a pita, some hummus, some almonds, a fiber bar, and a bowl of fruit. Sounds delicious, huh? I had the watermelon, grapes, raspberries and blueberries in the tupperware when I had the great idea to add some kiwi into the mix. So I got out my soft-fruit peeler and started working on the kiwi. Now, for those of you who might not be in the loop, a soft fruit peeler is like a regular peeler, except it has serrated edges - like thousands of tiny, barbed piranha teeth. It really works great - the teeth make it much easier to peel things like kiwi, mangoes, jicama and tomatoes. But it's also evil. Because when you accidentally nick your finger on the downstroke, it's much, much messier. You see, each individual tooth sticks into your fingertip, tilted downward so as to gouge as deeply as possible. Then, with the completion of the downstroke, it rips the gouged skin off and drops it into the sink. At which point you notice the blood. On your kiwi. And running down your hand. Because, like I said - this is not a regular finger wound. This is not simply a scratch, or even a wicked paper cut. This is a mortal flesh wound. I mean, I was faint from loss of blood within a few seconds. I had to lie down. And really, I was out of commission for the rest of the night. I couldn't help with the laundry, I couldn't go get my husband a glass of water. I couldn't even turn my fan on. Too much work. I was seriously injured!

Ok, that was slightly dramatic. But that shit hurt. For real. And I really did see a chunk of my mangled flesh in the sink. That was nasty. And it really did bleed (a lot) for almost 10 minutes. And my darling husband had to run out to the store at 10pm to get me bandaids because we didn't have any in the house. (Thanks, dear.)

Moral of the story - be cautious when using a soft fruit peeler or this could happen to you, too.

(You may be wondering what happened to the bloody kiwi. My husband ate it for lunch today. We just rinsed it off and cut it up. Isn't that nasty? I wouldn't eat it, but he didn't seem to have a problem with it. I'm so grossed out.)